Matt’s Worst Movies of 2018

1. TRAFFIK

An utterly disgusting film about human trafficking, deserves to be a permanent fixture in the film hall of shame. While GOTTI may have been a worse movie, the ick factor puts TRAFFIK at the top of the list for the worst movies of 2018.

2: GOTTI

I didn’t go to see GOTTI with the expectation that it would be good, but I hoped that it would at least be good-bad. It wasn’t. While there were a couple of laugh-out-loud moments (most notably, Kelly Preston’s horrible attempt at an Italian-American accent), there weren’t nearly enough of them to hold my attention. GOTTI also holds the dubious distinction of the only mafia movie that actually wanted to treat its protagonist – a remorseless murderer – as a role model for modern times.

3: FIFTY SHADES FREED

I’m so glad they are done making these movies. They are universally awful and riddled with sexual politics that, at best, is confusing in a #MeToo era.

4: MAZE RUNNER: THE DEATH CURE

I really liked the first MAZE RUNNER movie. I thought it was one of the better movies based on YA fiction – and clearly a better concept than the DIVERGENT series. Somehow, however, once those kids found their way out of the maze, things got… dull. MAZE RUNNER: THE DEATH CURE was loud, dull, dumb, and full of horrible action sequences that were simply unwatchable.

5. SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY

Okay, so maybe SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY wasn’t as unwatchable as some of this year’s other entries, but it clearly deserves a high spot on my list because it didn’t only manage to suck, but it also somehow succeeded to take a big steaming you-know-what on one of the best characters in cinematic history. This movie seeks to answer questions about Han Solo that you never wanted, and each and every one of those answers is disappointing. One bright spot, however: at least its box office failure taught Disney to slow down with the bleeding-it-dry strategy it’s been taking with STAR WARS.

6: RAMPAGE

The first Dwayne Johnson movie in recent memory that completely, totally, and unredeemably sucked. RAMPAGE was utter nonsense, from start to finish. While SKYSCRAPER wasn’t exactly a masterpiece, at least it wasn’t THIS bad.

7: DAMSEL

I absolutely love the Zellner brothers and have followed them since seeing their short AFTERMATH ON MEADOWLARK LANE at Sundance in 2007. I was extremely excited to see their follow-up to KUMIKO, THE TREASURE HUNTER, featuring some big-league talent with Robert Pattinson and Mia Wasikowska as the two leads. Unfortunately, even though it started strong, it utterly fizzled after the first ten minutes. The idea is better than the execution.

8: PROUD MARY

Did you see the trailers for PROUD MARY? They were good. Go ahead, click on the link below and watch it. It looks pretty good, right? Trust me, it’s not. The trailers are only 2 minutes long. At 89 minutes, the feature was about 85 minutes too long.

9: VENOM

Tom Hardy diving into the lobster tank was worth the price of admission. Unfortunately, nothing else was. When are Marvel or D.C. going to go all-in and make their villains actually… villainous?

10: TRUTH OR DARE

A rare misfire from Jason Blum and Blumhouse, TRUTH OR DARE is a concept horror film where the concept can’t sustain itself for its 100 minute runtime. Looking forward to the HAPPY DEATH DAY sequel, but I hope this one is forgotten quickly.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

11: YARDIE

12: GOON: THE LAST OF THE ENFORCERS

13: SKYSCRAPER

14: THE DARKEST MINDS

15: MAMMA MIA! HERE WE GO AGAIN

16: MARY POPPINS RETURNS