“Skyscraper”

LOUISA:  1.5 STARS


LOUISA SAYS:

Dwayne Johnson is an actor that everyone loves, but even he can’t save the lousy “Skyscraper,” a generic “Die Hard” meets “Towering Inferno” rip-off. I love disaster movies and I love dumb summer movies, but this one is lacking in both originality and fun. I was barely entertained at all by this monotonous supposed action thriller.

Johnson is Will Sawyer, a former FBI hostage rescue agent who, after a mishap in the field ten years ago, now runs a small security company. When he’s tapped to head the safety inspections for the world’s tallest building in China, Will, his wife (Neve Campbell), and his twin children are given a suite in the high-rise. When the evil nemesis (Kevin Rankin) of the building’s owner (Chin Han) sets the place ablaze, Will must rescue his trapped family from the raging fire.

I’ll take time to think what could’ve been if the camp factor had been appropriately ramped up, a’la “Sharknado.” Sadly, this movie is not so bad that it’s good. What follows is an off-the-wall ridiculous and, even worse, often boring violation of the laws of nature and common sense.

The characters have the vocabulary of a second grader and the script (by writer / director Rawson Marshall Thurber) is so basic that I swear it couldn’t be more than five pages that read something like “tedious exposition, explosions, explosions, explosions!” The special effects are shoddy and empty, and Johnson’s charisma is thoroughly squandered.

The only laugh-out-loud moments are those that aren’t intended to be funny. There’s not a real sense of danger, there’s not enough motivation, and there’s the absence of a menacing villain (unless you count the fire). The only real danger is from the flames, and we get repetitive scenes of people either having coughing fits from smoke inhalation or trying to outrun the blaze. It gets old. Really old.

Let’s call “Skyscraper” what it is: the world’s dumbest two hour commercial for duct tape.

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