Please don’t think I’m a weirdo, but I actually had high hopes for the dreadfully unfunny “Baywatch,” the big screen version of the popular ’90s California lifeguard television series. Oh, how I wanted the film to take the campy road, loaded with silly sight gags and over-the-top acting. Sadly, this movie plays it completely straight and is completely awful.
In what feels like a completely unfunny, half-baked straight to video mystery, hulking lifeguard Mitch (Dwayne Johnson) butts heads with a prettyboy new recruit Brody (Zac Efron). The rest of the lifeguard team, including spunky Summer (Alexandra Daddario), sexy CJ (Kelly Rohrbach), and I’m just here to be the butt of everyone’s lame wisecracks chunky nerd Ronnie (Jon Bass) must set out to uncover a dastardly criminal drug empire that threatens to overdevelop the bay. (Yeah, that’s the actual plot of this drek).
The story is mediocre and, in an attempt to make the most of its R-rating, the film goes a bit overboard with unnecessary nudity and language. Not that this is offensive: the most offensive thing about this project is the total waste of Johnson. Even in the worst of films Johnson is still a charismatic, lovable guy. He plays it straight and has a great sense of comedic timing, but even he can’t save this disaster.
As expected, “Baywatch” is a dumbed down recipe of mean-spirited, gross-out humor and lame action sequences. It’s so god-awful that I wish I had walked out. What a waste.