1: Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Utter dreck. Sometimes I suspect that studios think they can put absolutely no effort into story when the movie is for children. They should learn a lesson from Pixar – a good movie is a good movie, regardless of the target audience.
2: Grown Ups
What a waste of a talented cast. This movie is as close as I’ve seen to the prediction Mike Judge made in “Idiocracy”: in the future, movies will consist of nothing more than an ass on the screen, farting, for 90 minutes. This Happy Madison production tramples on the memory of the great movies the company is named for. Apparently, Adam Sandler lost his edge when he had kids.
3. Cop Out
Kevin Smith made waves when he allegedly apologized for “Mallrats” (he has since said his statement was misinterpreted). Years later, he actually did apologize publicly for “Jersey Girl.” This is the movie he should be apologizing for. “The Other Guys” wasn’t exactly great cinema, but it was a much better sendup of the buddy cop genre.
4. Letters to Juliet
The writers for this movie give women (the intended audience) no credit whatsoever. I can just picture the writer’s meeting: “wait, I know – we end with a scene with Amanda Seyfried standing on a balcony for no logical reason other than to remind audiences of ‘Romeo and Juliet.’ And hey, in that Taylor Swift song she says “Juliet” about 10 times, so let’s use that! Genius!” Not.
The first ¾ of this movie wasn’t that bad. But the climax was utterly and completely stupid. Even accepting the central premise, the reveal of the film’s putative “bad guy” is absolutely and completely ridiculous and illogical to the story.
6. The Expendables
Stallone brought back some great 80’s action stars but forgot how to make it fun. Also, what ever happened to being able to SEE the action? Example: the fight between Austin and Couture should have been epic – but thanks to the use of quick-cuts (a la Paul Greengrass) and poor lighting, I didn’t even know it was those guys fighting until it was halfway over.
7. The Shock Doctrine
A poor attempt to make a Michael Moore-style polemic documentary. The filmmakers were doubtlessly patting themselves on the back for being “clever” (thanks to Robert Redford for blowing smoke up their collective asses), but in truth all they succeeded in doing was making a incoherent, shambling mess of a film designed only to connect with the VERY far left.
8. Knight & Day
Two has-beens way past their prime. If Tom Cruise wanted to remind audiences of the “Mission:Impossible” movies, he should have just made one.
9. Despicable Me
I can just imagine the conversation among the Universal execs: “Hey, we got Steve Carell to voice the main character! The hard part’s done, let’s just hire a team of monkeys to write the story — it’s for kids, no one will notice!”
10. Bass Ackwards
I feel bad putting this on the list. I really do. But honestly, it deserves to be on here. My message to Linus the director: you seem like a nice guy, but think twice about casting yourself as the lead if and when you make another film.