Jagged, anxious, and intentionally uncomfortable, “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is a film that some viewers (especially mothers) may see as raw and resonant, while others (like me) may find it more exhausting than enlightening. It’s a darkly funny indie on paper, but in practice it leans so heavily into stress, chaos, and emotional collapse that the “funny” part often gets swallowed whole by the sheer intensity of what writer-director Mary Bronstein throws at her protagonist.
Linda (Rose Byrne) is a mother with her life in full freefall. She has a mysteriously ill daughter (Delaney Quinn), an absent husband (Christian Slater) stationed away for months, a literal collapsing apartment, and a therapist who seems to actively dislike her. It’s a lot for one woman to take, and the film piles crisis upon crisis until it becomes overwhelming by design. For some viewers, this might play as an honest depiction of how motherhood can feel like drowning. For me, it played more like a cinematic panic attack.
Bronstein explores the crushing loneliness of motherhood, the erosion of mental health, the guilt that eats away at a caregiver who feels like she’s failing at everything, and the unspoken cultural expectation that mothers must be endlessly resilient. The film also critiques social media’s glossy, performative ideals of motherhood and the societal refusal to acknowledge that raising a sick child can completely consume a person. These are important ideas, and the film does deserve some credit for not sugarcoating any of them.
But despite the rich thematic material, the execution often feels messy and undercooked. The film gestures at larger commentary without fully scrutinizing it. Linda’s breakdown is believable, but the narrative around her feels like the script is throwing metaphors, traumas, and symbols at the wall just to see what sticks. Some scenes hit with piercing accuracy but so many others feel like chaos for chaos’s sake.
Byrne gives a committed performance as always, but because the film never lets up, she has little room to explore even an ounce of subtlety. It’s one long, intentional spiral that grows way too monotonous in a movie that is already exceedingly stressful and bleak.
Still, Bronstein’s ambition is unmistakable. You can see the intention, the personal touch, and the desire to portray a female experience that often goes unseen. Even when the film didn’t work for me, I admired the commitment to telling something different, something unpolished, and something honest in its own abrasive way.
”If I Had Legs I’d Kick You” is unique, thematically rich, and artistically confident, but also deeply uneven and simply hard to sit through. Whether it resonates or repels will depend heavily on your personal experience and your tolerance for stress-heavy storytelling.
By: Louisa Moore
Screen Zealots 