“Nutcrackers” is absolute garbage that fails to live up to even the lowest of low expectations. There is nothing redeeming about this half-hearted drivel, from a lousy script complete with multiple fart “jokes” and an irritating cast of unknown kid “actors” to a pathetic attempt to turn it into a holiday cash grab by inserting Christmas trees and candy canes in the background while blasting a soundtrack of seasonal tunes. This is, in the most plain and simple language I can muster, an awful movie.
After the sudden and tragic death of his sister, Chicago real estate developer Michael (Ben Stiller) is informed by a state social worker (Linda Cardellini) that he has become the temporary guardian of her four unruly children (real-life brothers Homer Janson, Ulysses Janson, Atlas Janson, and Arlo Janson). Michael travels from the big city to their rural farm, and he soon learns that he is far out of his element. Desperate to corral the feral four, Michael works hard at trying to find a new, suitable home for the boys.
Do I need to tell you where the story goes from here?
Michael’s journey from city slicker to makeshift father is meant to be heartwarming and transformative, but instead, it comes off as contrived and tedious. The script is a predictable parade of clichés, featuring a city man struggling to adapt to rural life, misfit kids who are more annoying than endearing, and a Christmas setting that feels like it was added as an afterthought rather than an integral part of the story.
Every comedy fan knows that Stiller has the skills to back it up, but here he is reduced to playing a role that is far beneath his talents. I’m sure the paycheck was nice but if he refuses to exercise more care in choosing roles going forward, he runs the very real risk of being relegated to junk movies like this in the future. The supporting cast is left with little to worth with, too. Cardellini tries her best, but she’s often overshadowed by the chew-the-scenery kids and their forced, unpolished, amateur performances. These four boys are cute enough, but I don’t see any acting careers in their future.
Billing this movie as a comedy is a stretch. There are barely any laughs, and director David Gordon Green certainly makes very little effort to incorporate actual jokes into his film. If you are expecting even an ounce of humor, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
It’s clear that Green and screenwriter Leland Douglas envisioned “Nutcrackers” to be a heartwarming Christmas tale with a message about the importance of family, but the emotion is almost completely stripped away by uninspired dialogue and predictable plot points. There’s just no substance here, and there’s certainly a very low entertainment value.
By: Louisa Moore
Screen Zealots 